Children can't stand on their own, they don't leave their parents.
In March 2019, the Cabinet Office released a survey showing that the population of 40 to 64 years old is estimated to be approximately 610,000 people. There may be a lot of people close to you who have the trouble of being confined to home even though they are grown up.
As a parent, it is natural to wish that children who are withdrawn will be able to recover somehow. However, from the conclusion, the only way to make the child realize that it is not possible to keep it as it is, and to take action voluntarily.
To understand this, I would like you to read "Moving People" written by Dale Carnegie, an American writer and educator. This book is a classic of how-to books focused on improving human relations, and it is a world-renowned book that has exceeded 5 million copies in Japan alone.
I often say that misunderstanding is natural, understanding is a coincidence. It is very difficult for people to understand each other. It is the same thing for parents and children who divide blood. In particular, Japanese tend to think that children can understand their feelings and ways of thinking with a sincere heart, but that is just an illusion. Children are different personalities, and their values may be completely different from their parents.
Therefore, parents must also try to understand their children well and accept their feelings and ways of thinking. Carnegie also said in this book:
"Instead of blaming others, let's try to understand them. Therefore, let's think carefully why the other party came to do such a thing. It is a very good idea, and it is also interesting. If you do that, you will naturally be born with sympathy, tolerance, and goodwill."
Turn an order into a question and have it accepted
Man is a very self-respecting creature. Even if it is for the other party, if you try to hold it down, you will surely rebel. Even if you are a parent, if you want to move your child, don't try to move it by force. Carnegie says this too.
"We have come to the conclusion that there is only one way out of the world to win the argument. The way it was to avoid arguments" "I decided not to do anything to point out other people's mistakes."
In other words, Carnegie explains that respecting the other person's position is the best way to open the other person's mind and have ears to listen to. "Changing orders into questions can not only be accepted comfortably, but can also make others creative. If you participate in the process of being issued in any way, everyone will be willing to follow the order," said Carnegie, who also shows off her know-how in this book to give "awareness" in a natural way without hurting the other person's heart.
Finally, one thing to note in reading is that good is quick. If there is any way to try it yourself in the method introduced in "Moving people", please try more and more. After that, we believe in children and work patiently.
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